And If Not, He Is Still Good!

These words have never resonated more true in my lifetime until this very point. I have experienced one of the greatest highs and the greatest lows in my life. Caution, this post isn't filled with pretty pictures or homes decor tips, instead it is an outpouring of my heart that I pray will reach someone who needs to hear what I have to say. 

When my husband and I get married we were 22 and 21 years old, many people thought we were too young, others circled wondering when we would being to have children. The first opinion never once bothered me, I knew KJ was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I knew he was the one that was created for me. The second I would laugh off saying, oh it will be 10 years or so before that. We didn't really want children until we were in our 30's or so, there was even a point where we thought we would never have a desire to have them. 

Over these three years, my thoughts on having babies has varied, I would be happy to be a mother one day, but I didn't want to set out on that part of our journey until I knew we were both ready. In February, KJ and I decided that we were ready. After a chemical pregnancy in early March, I was diagnosed with PCOS. The day I found that out I was relieved and confused all at the same time. I was relieved that I finally knew what was going on, but I was confused as to why this was happening to me, why did getting pregnant have to be so hard.

Before this point in my life, I have never thought twice about the emotional toll that 1 little line could cause within someone. I never thought I could long so much for a tiny human to begin growing inside of me. 

I ended up having another chemical pregnancy, and I was frustrated and angry. The thought of being pregnant consumed my every thought. One day, I had to just give it to the Lord. The Bible says, "You shall have no other gods before me." I had taken the desire to be pregnant and I placed it above God. He knows what tomorrow holds, he knows what our future holds. 

There are still no babies on the home front, but I am trusting for the Lord's perfect timing. For those of you out there who are experiencing infertility, I commend you for your persistence to carry on and to keep trying. He has your future in His hands, and He knows your unborn children. 

"Now may The Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thessalonians 3:16

"His love for us is perfect" 1 Johns 4:18

The Lord will give as He sees fit, cry out to him and share your every thought and desire with Him. He is your Abba Father and he cares for you. He may not answer your prayers with yes, but if not He is still good!!